Who asked me to eat Jupiter Cafe’s icecream right before Culture and Expression class? Lasted for 1 and a good 20 minutes. Then I just *HAD* to blab about my secret out loud. SCREAMS. Kai En, Roseanne, Genevieve Martha and Jocelyn were eavesdropping, the nerve. Wahaha. It’s so nice to see Amanda and Eleazar again. HUGGLES.

I don’t want people to ruin my life.
Standley already ruined Sidney and Xvan.
Eleazar ruined the 38-year-old man.

Ahh. Fuck off for a while please. Let me sob with the fat fat fat fat guy please.
I want a hot guy. Or skinny guy. Or DAMN SKINNY guy. Please la. God. Don’t give me those God-damned fat asses. I deserve WAY better.

Actually, I like Darren Gabriel a lot. *giggles*

Hrmph. No offence to Ferooze. Because Ferooze is straight.

There were these few Malay girls who saw my “Straight” tattoo on the back of my left palm. They were all like making lame assed jokes about, “Gay. My father then straight. Crooked. How to spell crooked? Curly. WAVY! Maaf zahir batin.” Lmao please. Just fucking LMAO.

Eat Pastamania pork, eat Delifrance brownie, buy cigs with Eleazar, hug lampposts. Aww. I like hugging lampposts because they’re so damn skinny, like me. Actually, I’m not skinny at all, I’m just skinny compared to that fat guy. Eww. Fat *GAY* guys are worse than Fat *STRAIGHT* guys because they’re not *STRAIGHT*. They’re *GAY*, no duh.

Ok la. Got to hug sweet Eleazar, but not Standley, because I hate that fucking ho, I had to bring my sweet precious SLR and surrender it to Uncle Tan. GEEZ~! Eleazar went to Subordinate Court to support her friend who got jailed for littering a cigarette butt. I love Singapore.

We all went East Coast and I was like looking at SO MUCH EYECANDY. Oh Good Lord, even the old men can be EYECANDY please. I’m staring at one guy’s small waist. Oooh. I like. Swimmer’s body. I like very much.

Jayne and Standley basically shot NOTHING. Standley is such a noob. URGH. So annoying. I wish he’d actually learn something, that S-o-a-B*.

GOT HIGH over some Primary 2 kid’s Friendster because she forgot to logout– nadierahgerl_98@hotmail.com or something like that. Geez. Standley added her. PRIMARY 2 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. And she even want to a CHATROOM. Oh my God, what is the world coming to. Even my Primary 1 brother never touched the internet before. And Primary 2 can camwhore like shit. Oh my God, now I’m scared. I hope any paedophiles reading this don’t get turned on by the fatness of that Malay girl.

OH FEROOZE. WHY. WHY.

Standley is so touch-sensitive, GOD. These are the days where I miss Shawn Tan Jin Kiat. Oh God. WHY GOD. WHY! WHY MUST YOU PULL THE SEXIEST GUYS AWAY FROM ME.

*Sobs uncontrollably*

God is so manipulative.

VIdeo-ed myself just now. So funny. Amanda kept laughing at it. Booyah.

C&E was a bust. Wa. Genevieve kept blowing my hair? Was she? LOL. It was funny. Lol lol. It was so nice to see Jayne and Ferooze and Wendy again. Jayne’s skin looks damn black now la, I’m honestly shocked.

I FINALLY SAW THE FAMOUS Shannon Wee. FINALLY. I get to see her. FAI-NAA-LEE. I’m so confused — why is Jane Hooy hanging with Simone, Allison Marie, Shannon, Carmen … DOTS LA. Pretty girls (and Shannon) do flock together like a big ol’ heaping pile of gooberberry Nurul Maideen Apple Pie.

Oh yes. And Jayne got the Euphoria perfume… but it smelled so strong, she whined about it being the wrong one, she’s supposed to be euphoric… but, alas, I repeat, this is the most ironic present Jayne will ever get. Ya. Euphoria my ass, right?

Standley was being a beeyotch.

I met Victor at Starbucks, he passed me Cartel clothes (XL! I’m an M! AN M!) and I took over Elenda as S1/S2. Lolzers. I love S1. But crap. Some ghost kept cursing me and I spilled, dropped, broke into pieces, you name it, the water, the pork ribs, the salt shaker. Sigh. GO AWAY LA GHOST. SHOOO.

Then after work, sigh.

Well.

Let’s just say I’m no longer a kissing virgin.
La la la.
Kisses feel weird. Hmm.
MOUTH kisses.

Hmm.

Well. It did end. Hmph. I was surprised to see my blog opened on Cherine’s computer. Wa. Well. Hmph.

I’m at the 6th floor now. Alone. Miserable. Using this computer to express my extreme loneliness.

I don’t choose to be antisocial, maybe I just am. I can’t help but feel just a teensy bit loser-like for being alone. Back to Primary School for me then.

Cherine? Well, I think she has her Pepper. And maybe Vivien, who I think is one of the nicest persons I know in VSC.

And how about Wai Sun? (By the way, he clashed his top with mine.) He has his Charmaine and Zhi Wen. Oh well.

This will be the loneliest block I’ll ever have.

Not like Block 1. I loved it.
Block 2 wasn’t bad, even if everyone started hating me. Eleazar “was” “there”?
Block 3 was quite OK. Nicholas Lim was good company, and so was Cherine.
VisCo… my favourite block ever ~~~ aaah. Good times. Good times.
Then Block 6? Well, Amanda and Eleazar are like the best people ever…

First day of Block 7 is sad. I can’t say whatever, because I care. Oh well.

I’m a loner once more.
I’ll continue to be a loner then.

Just like Chelsea sang: “Alone in the hallways as always. Just the stairwells, the lockers and me.”

Those three words in the subject title changed my life.

By the way, new blogskin. Narhar.

Ok. So I was listening to Bjork’s song “Cocoon”, and these words “Enter me lightly” were so deafeningly attention-grabbing that I just had to had to have it on the back of my palm.

So I wrote “Enter me lightly” on the back of my palm in permanent black ink.

Then urm… S2 again. SIGH LA. Non stop S2. Can die please. My good friends are the bread and water. Oh, if only Jerome were here, he’d make some corny joke about my relationship with them. Wakakaka.

Then people tried to guess the meaning of “Enter me lightly” those perverts at work thought that I was going to get a fucking penis shoved up my ass gently. WAH KAO. It’s a Bjork song la. The lyrics are too complicated for Singaporean minds.

Sashikala obsessed about it. Like wo wo.

Yesterday, I told people about my plan to meet the 38-year-old. BIG MISTAKE. Now, the whole Cartel knows that I’m gay. Which is so not true.

The one of the chefs said, “Hi baby..” everytime I entered the kitchen. To me. Yes. To me. Fucking straight guy. Or maybe “Hi darling.” Then the nerve of him! He kept asking for my handphone number.

“Don’t gay here, can!” says one of the other (gay for real) chefs.

And ANOTHER chef did a “fucking” hand signal with the finger and a hole… you know. Yucks please.

AND WORSE. The P5. Not only does he call me “Baby…” too, but he kept on slapping my butt. THEN IT PROGRESSED TO DIGGING MY ASS. Oh shat these perverts.

Then I told Sashikala in confidence, who then told AhBa, who then told Jake, who then reprimanded the dirty horny pretend-to-be-gay chefs.

I was scared that the chef and P5 might be angry at me…

BUT NOOOOOOO ~~

Being the horny chef he is, he CONTINUED to call me baby… and P5 kept on TOUCHING me non stop everywhere.

Wei.. don’t play with my feelings can. My imagination WILL go wild, my fantasies WILL include you, oh you don’t know how much I’m suffering.

Don’t you just hate it when straight people act gay to another gay, just for pure entertainment?

Touching?

Ok. Hmm. The past: AhBa, Jerome, Jackson, Lewis… mild touching at first.
Then Lewis touched me nicely now and then. He’s a nice guy.
Then Elenda started this butt-slapping craze.
Then Sashikala slapped Lewis’s butt.
Then P5 slapped *MY* butt.
Then worsened to: him DIGGING MY ARSE for the love of God.

I’m being sexually harassed at work.
Weirdly, I like it. I like it a lot.

I’d better not tell Jake. Or else she’ll fire the horny chef.

Jake, in response to “Enter me lightly”: “Enter me lightly. No. You cannot enter me lightly. I won’t let you.”

Haha. Lesbian.

Searching “Zhi Wen”:

0607960B
LIM ZHI WEN
0608415F
KOH ZHI WEN EDWARD
0611364A
LIAU ZHI WEN EDWIN

Can someone scream “fate”?

BLOCK 7

Digital Essentials
9 am - 12 pm
Yu Yong Kin
04-24

Culture and Expression
12 pm - 3 pm
Jeyathurai Devindran
03-46

Haha. Nothing.
Worked ended just now.

So 11 and a half hours of work = $57.50 for 2 days work.
Plus tomorrow’s 8 hours?
$97.50 for 3 days work.

Eh, not bad. I like. I like very much.

I am so gay.
I am so sad that I’m gay.
How many other hot gays do you know besides me?
Oh shiznit. I’m so pooped.
I was so looking forward to clubbing.

Oh well.

Thanks again Eleazar.

For making me a loser once more.

THANK YOU FOR KILLING MY SEX LIFE. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. I CAN KISS YOUR BIG FAT CHRISTIAN LIPS wo.

Perlin Tay reacts the same way as Standley when I touch her. Pulling away, disgusted. Gosh. Am I really that… yuck?

I think I’m just doing it the wrong way. My way of romance is too foreign for everyone. Too French.

I’m in a mode of self-pity and loserdom right now. Make me feel better please. Throw yourself to me. I’ll take care of you and …

No one’s listening again.

Let me list down my classmates for Digital Essentials…

Allison Marie;
Angelina;
Bernice Lee;
Charli;
Charmaine;
Cloud;
Cherine;
Jaslyn;
Jiaxin;
Khai Xin;
Mark Cheong;
Natashia;
Rene;
Pepper;
Shannon;
Shona;
Stephanie;
Vivien;
Wai Sun;
Wen Hao;
Zhi Wen;

Look at the boys. Wen Hao and Zhi Wen in the same class? I might die from eyecandy overload. Jaslyn, Bernice, Cloud, Allison? My pupils can literally bleed from such beauty.

TO ELEAZAR: At least you have Amanda.

I guess I’mma hang with Cherine… Wai Sun… other than that, I’m friendless. Everyone just avoids me because I’m gay or I threaten them or they simply hate me or they don’t understand me or… because I’m gay.

*Insert long heave.*

What’s the worst thing I could ever do to you?

Just bitch about you on my blog is all. I’ve done that to only 1 or 2 people/lecturers so far. Not a bad amount if you ask me.

But if you’re a nice person, you know you’re a nice person, then hell, would I do anything to harm you?

Gasp. I stayed over Eleazar’s amazing house to help her do her Digital Imaging… she got a new laptop… hmm. When I talked to Gabriel on Eleazar’s handphone, he purposely tried to sound sissy, “Hellooooo?” Then I don’t want to talk to him anymore.

Then when Eleazar brought me to her house, I was captivated by the drop-dead gorgeousness of GABRIEL BEH. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, I TELL YOU. Helped that he was wearing a T-shirt with boxers. Can drool or not! He’s damn gorgeous.

Eleazar and Gabriel were great hosts la. The good boy cooked for us. What a nice boy. I would love for him to be my brother. I was admiring him so much. Great deep voice… and so obedient to Eleazar’s manipulative personality.

Gabriel Beh, if you’re reading this, I want to date you. But first, you must dump that ho Elaine, ’cause I’m the sexy lil thang that is willing to blow you. Away. Blow you away. KNN pervert.

Eleazar the eeeyotch used my cam to snap pics of him. Aww. Where’s his extremely cute face? Gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. Notice the lack of armpit hair.

Eleazar. Please let Gabriel “Hot Stuff” Beh about this blog because I am in LUST with your brother.

Ok. Enough of that.

Spent the whole night not sleeping doing Eleazar’s work for her. 2 cups of coffee please. Thus, I deserve full credit for the endproduct of Eleazar’s Digital Imaging. Grins.

Didn’t even get to do our Perspective la. CRY CRY.

I slept on both buses home.
Changed, bathed, got ready for Friday.

ELEAZAR OVERSLEPT. Like I thought she would. I did my Digital Imaging quickly and flawlessly. Well done.

Being the manipulative b——-person that Eleazar is, she got me to buy for her mounting board. Then Standley, whom I haven’t talked to in weeks, ate Jupiter’s icecream with me. Argh. I’m getting fat.

Then dunno la.

We all got DI done in the end. Cherine’s one was better than the last. Zhi Wen’s was missing something, I don’t know what.

Ferdi commented mine… “This one obviously looks fake…” other than that. I think I did above average. Wahaha. I’m safe and strategic that way.

Then hmm. Standley used my computer.. I scootched beside him, resting half of half my butt on the chair, reassuring people that we’re….

Eleazar and Standley are like talking about my bitchiness. Yes. I’m bitchy.

If bitchy means honest, then yes, I am.
If bitchy means blunt, then yes, I am.
If bitchy means frank, then yes, I am.

There’s nothing more true to bitching. I bitch to let you know your imperfections. Like Eleazar. Do I bitch about her? No. I only state that she’s manipulative. Do I bitch about Standley? Yes. Why? Because I can.

The only way not for me to bitch about you is for you to don’t share the same class with me. Geddit?

Likewise,
the only way not for me to fall in love with you is for you to don’t share the same class with me. Geddit?

Rushed to work.

My fatigue really set in fast.

S2 is a painful thing.

Working later.
And tomorrow morning.

HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO FINISH MY PERSPECTIVE NOW?

Last nite, I was talking to this 38-year-old gay man. Haha. Whoa. Did I feel loved. I really did. He said “Good boy” and all those things that make me feel tingly inside.

And he even loved me so much, he woke me up at 10 AM… haha. I loved chatting with him. I promised him that I’d come to Kallang MRT to kiss, hug, bathe with him, get STD, and wa da wa da wa da.

Queueing up for my bus 69, I got the shock of my life when I saw Bernice hugging her supposed boyfriend tight tight. Gasp. I’m soooo envious. Jealousy, jealousy, jealousy.

Haha. Then crapped around with Amanda Soon and Eleazar Beh during Perspective… under the hot Sun. Under an umbrella, and shouting… me somersaulting. The koi jumped in fits, me shouting, laying on the ground, boasting about my future-sex-partner I was gonna meet at nite.

Elenda (Eleazar + Amanda) said I shouldn’t. Oh. Hmm.

DI… got some progress. Happy.

Rained rained rained like shat. But not bad can. I wrote my schedule at Cartel… then Eleazar gets embarrassed when I shout in public. Like whoa. I’m a random person. I do the randomest things, say the randomest things, I’m totally unpredictable.

She dissuaded me from meeting the man. It’s a long story, really it is. She just suspected he sounded like a pervert paedophile rapist, and I don’t really mind, but she does. What can I say. She’s my saviour ~ yet, she is quite manipulative, when she ask me to tell the possible-gay-mature-possible-partner that I was with my girlfriend.

*SIGH*

Yeah, right. I’m happy with boys, because they so HOT. Girls are just so complex and I don’t understand them, really I don’t. =|

Ate dinner with Eleazar at Long John…

Then we took Neoprints.
Haha.
We look so cute together.
I’m no Dino.
But hell yeah. I actually look quite decent in the prints.

And the $10 was all MY money.

Manipulative girl Eleazar is, indeed she is. WE FORGOT TO BUY A1 paper. And we’re both singing in the night. My voice was thin today. I sang Jasmine Tye pretty well. Gahh.

And I dropped Eleazar home.

I wished to meet her hot hot brother.
Because Gabriel Beh is a Chinese boy.
I like.

ELEAZAR. I’M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND CAN.

*dies*

Today is Hari Raya.

Oh. I saw Benjamin Soh today. Grins!

I really have to concentrate on my Perpesctive, I’m might as well as dead as a cow on a shoestring tied to a pony’s knee in Switzerland 70 years ago.

Yet.

All I can really think about is…

Sigh.

Relatives kept asking me whether I had a girlfriend. Of course not. I’m not straight, I tell you. Maybe, 40 years from now, if they’re ever alive, of course, and still ask me whether I have a girlfriend, then, maybe, JUST *MAYBE* they would suspect something about my sexual preference.

But now? Time to draw draw draw, fucking draw!

Sigh.

In the morning, I had a dream about me and this guy… hmm. I thought it was Zhi Wen but actually, it was a young boy like mini-Tsubasa. Then I was like touching his hips seductively and then I initiated a kiss. At first it was very awkward, we both kissed with eyes open, then I slowly closed mine and we French kissed for a good 5 seconds before I realised my sister saw, and went to tell my mother.

It was the best kiss I’ve ever dreamt of.

I also dreamt that a cubicle at the swimming complex had the same blueprint as my bathroom, and that 2 Malay guys beat me up and stole my bag. (They both got arrested by a lazy policeman at Blk 825. [How I managed to remember the block digits still surprise me.])

Sigh. I’ve been dreaming of this boy figure in my dreams since Sec 2. He changes in shape… his face. His body. But all I know is, he lives in my sleep. When I’m feeling lonely at night, I’m sure he’ll come by and comfort me in passion in the darkness of my bedroom.

Meh. I love you dear DreamBoy. I really love you.

Eleazar dyed her hair AGAIN, geez. o.o Perspective was a weird one. But most of it spent Pondoking, and me passive-smoking all the smoke blowing in my direction, with Amanda and Sara bitching about Nancy. Yeah, like too true.

Sigh. Life is going to be boring without Eleazar and Amanda. Who will I hang/follow in the next block? And the next next block? Hmm. Only time will tell. Or, I could be by myself, as I know I would, because I’m angry, antisocial, and … people fear me.

I WANT TO FUCKING GO CLUBBING DAMN IT.

Shit.

Digital Imaging was a mess, I know, I know. Poor Eleazar had to go home to get her camera, and I dunno what happened lah. I was too busy trying to figure out why the hell my thumbdrive had no space, when I deleted like 70% away. 512 MB mind you.

I looked at Zhi Wen, then felt frustrated with myself.
I looked at Wen Hao, caught him staring at me like two or three times with the hugest grin on his face, talking about Marketing… I just rolled my eyes/looked away.

Rushed to work, doing Server 2. AGAIN. And. AGAIN. And. AGAIN. Sigh. Can die please.

Not a lot of staff today, and I was like, running around like a mad horse… being all gay and cutesy. I think I did a good job, I guess.

Well. I got questioned by customers…

Them: Not celebrating Hari Raya?

Me: Erm…. not really.

Them: Why?

Me: I guess I don’t have the festive mood. I… think I’m getting (too) old (for this).

Them: I thought all Malays got half-day off?

Me: It was a normal day for me. I had school and I had (work).

Them: Are you a Muslim?

Me: Erm………. (unanswered.)

I pitied myself today, because I was practically looking after the floor for an hour or two by myself.

VIVIEN from my Typo, Perspective and DiImg class, came by, and ate pasta with some of her friends. Elenda happened to be Vivien’s primary/secondary school friend.

Ok la. I made $5 x 4.5 hours = $22.50 today
So it’s $120 + $22.50 = $142.50 for 3 days work.

What can I possibly buy with $142.50?!?

One hundred, forty two and fifty cents.

I KNOW!

I’m going to splurge it all on my boy dates, like I always do. Too bad there are no boys out there willing to accept my no-strings-attached offers.

Oh well. Better for me. So I can buy goodies for my princess Jerlyn. Wahahaha.